I have iTunes on random at the moment. I was just looking for general background music. I have several songs in it which make me think of Rick. Like a bad penny, they keep popping up:
"Moment in the Woods" with its line of "why not both instead?" and the half dozen or so lines before and after which speak my heart far too well...
Billy Joel's "Vienna"--perfect song for an overworked europhile; a reminder for a woman who longs to see more of the world....
"Closer to God" ... oh, yes. "Help me...."
And then we get to a song I actually put on a CD for him. And all I want is to see his folder lit up at my inbox, hear his voice, smell the sauce simmering in the pan.... Talk to him--one on one, armed with alcohol; a table between us so that we remember ourselves as we are....
Suddenly, the track switches. I hear the children's song. The one that should bring me "back to life, back to sense, back to child, back to husband." And all I can think of is how I'd like to catch him and do wicked things to his body... let him do wicked things to my body....
And, unlike Nicker, who can't stop thinking scared-girl thoughts when she's with Rick, I would enjoy every moment! None of this "oh, it was OK, but..." foolishness. I would be blissfully scarred for life. Divorced, penniless, but... I know full well Rick would rock my world.
And shatter it.
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